"You Look Amazing"

Has to be my favorite saying right now. After trials and tribulations, I'm finally down to 161, with in 26 lbs of my main goal. Funny thing is, I haven't been running, but I've been mucho stressed out these days which seems to have helped the belt line a bit. Oh, and the fact that I may be near falling in love. I know you're going "AWW!"

I've decided that after this week of work and now that I'm finally settled in the apartment after the whole ceiling collapse catastrophe, it's time to start out right and do everything the good way to get ready for the February cruise :)

Alright, Alright. It's update time.

I stopped posting because, well, it was a bit hard to type my weight for awhile there. With the whole situation of Cushings and doing the running, eating right, working out, the scale seemed to be my nemesis. Everyone around reassured me that I was apparently having a body dysmorphic moment where I believed I was bigger - but I saw the scale, I saw myself naked. Nothing seemed to be working. At one point the scale actually read 189. Just seeing that made me want to throw up.

Well, since then I've been "officially" diagnosed with Cushings which led to a medication to control my pituitary gland (part of the cause is a non-operable tumor on it), I've really taken to heart the getting out and get running, and I'm really watching what I eat most days.

This morning I ended up 1/2 dazed as I got out of the shower and did the normal routine of get naked, get weighed, get showered. But when I stepped on the scale it read 162. Didn't seem right - I mean I was 169 on Thursday at the doctor and I really didn't watch my ps & qs this weekend with puppy sitting and what not. After the shower and a bit more awake, I stepped on it wet - 164. Funny, I thought - two pounds of water? I mean 164 itself still didn't seem right. Towel on head - 166. Towel off of head - 163.5 (guess I dried a bit). Then it dawned on me - this is freaking awesome.

The first result - it's healthy weight loss. I've been really losing about 2 lbs a week, average for a female. The second - all the work is paying off.

To tell you honestly, Shaq's Big Challenge has been a catalyst in the struggle to do things RIGHT. If you've read the beginning of this blog, you'll know that I've struggled with that concept. If you're not familiar - I recommend searching it big time on Google, what he did for these 6 kids was amazing - especially a kid named Chris. I mean, you see his before and after and can't believe it's the same person.

Anyway, back to work and not being ashamed of the scale!

Getting back on track (AGAIN)

So the doc was finally able to give me a heads up on what's going on with my weight. After months and months of getting violently sick off of meat, working out like a dog and still gaining 3-4 pounds while restricting my calories I practically broke down in tears in her office.

I told her everyday was a struggle to not slip back into what I would know would work (ana/mia) and that my behavior was falling into the ana category already she finally tested me for a rare disorder called Cushings. Boom, there it was. Positive result. One prescription of three pills a day is finally yielding results.

I still can't really eat meat, which I'm okay with since it's been so long anyway. The pounds are gently gliding off in a healthy manner. I'm eating correctly and I'm getting back my self confidence.

Freaking finally.

Fabulous my ass.

I leave for Vegas on Friday for a week. Upon my return things change. No more smoking, I got Commit. To replace that addiction I'm resorting the gym. I'm finally going to take control.

Day Two at the Gym.

Well, woke up this morning and headed to the gym - yeah for me! I'm planning on sticking with this to the end, or at least until I fit back into my size 10's.

Today will be a bit more difficult, I have a lunch meeting and an after work function where pizza will be served - I'll have to stick with the fish to the end.

Weight today: 175.

Faltering stops now.

My schedule has been less than permitting for regular work out tactics. Late nights mean late mornings, early mornings mixed with late nights means fast food. I haven't even seen the inside of the gym for two weeks.

I decided it stops now. I keep making excuses, "I'd only be there for 20 minutes if I go now" is my latest, greatest and most favorite. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday and wondered what happened to that cute girl with the kick butt collar bone and the chest that stayed up where it was supposed to? So I started working out again, work always says I can come in at 9:00 yet I insist on being there between 8-8:30. 9:00 doesn't make me a bad person, so from now on I will start at 9, but still get up like I was going to be there at 8.

The scale at the gym said I weighed 178 yesterday. I bought a scale for my apartment. Even if I never step on it, it will be a constant reminder of what I should be keeping in mind.

I bought fish and spinach and made it yesterday, divided into one helping servings so that my calories stayed down but I was eating healthy things. I bought water so when I am thirsty I don't go for the sugar wielding juice or the bottle of wine.

I went to the gym this morning - even though it was only 20 minutes, and I'm leaving for a lunch routine to get some weight work and light cardio done again.

I will own my self for once.

Finally feeling it.

The hardest part this go round of losing weight is how inconsistent my schedule is. At a drop of the hat, I'll go to Madison to work out of that office or I'm in Milwaukee but have meetings all day or events all night. I've finally managed to really start watching my intake on food and what I'm eating.

Prompting health problems on meat, I've switch primarily to soy. Soy Slender is amazing, it uses Splenda and actually can be downed with out too much choking back!

With trying to get to the gym and watching what I eat, I'm at 172.5!

Holding Strong.

174.25 - That's down a quarter of a pound. Not too bad for a weekend of fish frys and staying in eating whatever was in my cabinets!

The goal is to be down to 172 by next week which will prove challenging because of 2 luncheons and a trip to the Madison office. I may have to motivate myself in the morning to actually get up when the alarm rings at 5:30am and head to the gym. Not to mention I got catalysted into dog sitting this weekend at a cozy pad on the lake ...

26!

I'm officially 26 and it's 2007, time to restart. So my lunch breaks are now for working out, and I started today. I bought an MP3 player w/a digital tuner (how did Apple miss that?) and tuned into my soaps as I cardio-ed away. I'll probably go for awhile tonight as well ...

So after eating my yogurt for breakfast (100 calories) and my salad (125 calories w/dressing) and working out for lunch I cautiously stood outside the scale ... please be kind, please be kind.

DECEMBER 18 (when I got the membership) 178 lbs
JANUARY 3 at noon 174.5 lbs.

Keep it coming off ...

Let's Get This Going Again ...

I keep saying it - but i've fallen completely off the band wagon and it's time to get back on again.

The last few months have found a ridiculous amount of change in my life, which of course leads me to overeating.

I've switched jobs, I've moved, I've dated, I've readjusted, and I've gained a ton of weight.

The last weigh was 179. Time to switch it back up and reorganize so fitness is a priority. I miss being thin, I see pictures of myself and I miss that. I'm happy in almost every area except how I look. I used to love being naked, now I dispise it. Time to change.

It's August!

Weighed in yesterday. One scale said 160, one said 185. I was lifting weights trying to figure out why there was such a difference and thinking grandly that I preferred the scale in the woman's bathroom when two older gentleman talked about the scale's problems.

"Let's do a test" one said, grabbing (2) 25# weight from the Military press. They came back with giggles, the scale was exactly 25#s off, that's not that good for a gym to have, but at least I know my sources are right.

My eating habits the last two days are sure to have put on a couple pounds, not to mention that there's been too much going on with work to actually get to the gym, but I'm glad I'm down a bit.

The difference I've noticed? I'm wearing heels again, I don't know if my metabolism just kicked in or if it's right, but the weight is coming off better now that I've adopted my 4" back into my wardrobe. I wonder if it distributes better and that's the philosophy? I'm not postive, but in the mean time they aren't hiding away on my closet shelves anytime soon.

Tomorrow starts ...

In an act of Journaslism, tomorrow begins the "Social Experiment" for August. Tomorrow starts my creed to not drink unless there's going to be some action afterward - and to be specific action in the sexual sense.

Bike, bike, bike.

I started dog sitting yesterday (as their whines beckon me from upstairs as I type) and wasn't able to hit the gym yesterday so I woke up early this morning, packed their little bodies into my car, dropped them off at my place and hussled to the gym.

The downside of my gym is that almost 80% of their client base is older people. The other downside? It's in Milwaukee and today it's 98 degrees in the shade which means old-person stench holds in every crevice.

I went to the library yesterday to check out another book since my workouts seem to be more intense and longer when I read. I picked up Everyone Worth Knowing, a book by the same author of Devil Wears Prada. I was slightly delighted that it wasn't as good as Devil since I read that one so quickly, but still good in the sense that it occupied my time.

I did 55 minutes on the bike to start, tanned for 20 minutes (skin cancer I know - but it makes me stay. I always arrange my appointment for 1 hour to 1 1/2 hours from when I walk in) and bike for another 30, showered and headed home to check on the pups.

I know they desperately would like to frolic in the sun-forced weather outside the air conditioned walls; however, I'm afraid I'll pass out just walking out the front door. The ice-cold bottle of water I bought 2 blocks away from the gym was even luke-warm when I arrived. I know I'm being a baby compared to all you from the hot-zones that are competing with 100 plus degree weather - but I like my coolness.

Anyhow, the work out (according to the bike scale) was around 20 miles combined and about 250 calories. I justified eating a frozen, some what chocolate covered banana that one of my sister's kids (she owns and runs a day care) made and put in my freezer.

Now it's off to finding something that fits and is cool for this weather, packing up the pups and heading back to Tosa. At least in their own house they don't whine so much.

Weight today: A pathetic 178.

What's today looking like?

I did an hour of cardio this morning and drank lots of water. I mean - I didn't even touch a soda, the worst thing I put in my system was a propel.

About 1:00 I wasn't just hungry - but starving. Knowing I would have baseball after work and then the gym again, I justified eating nachos.

I never actually play on our team, but the opposite team was short one girl so I got drafted over there. I actually enjoyed it alot - they were appreciative of my participation. Because I was catching for my team, I kept the cackling to a minimum and hoped my team would do the same. One little, and pardon this, bitch yells from the outfield while I was batting "Go our best player." Sarcastically as she hussles the outfield in. Hey guess what - I'm still on your god damn team.

I took the aggression back to the gym for 1/2 hour of weights and cardio. This morning the scale tipped in at 183, I'm hoping it tips below that tomorrow morning.

I'm sitting here hungry as a devil, but it's almost 10 so I don't want to eat - plus it'll be a bright and early morning tomorrow since I have to be to work by 8.

Worst cashier. Ever.

Not feeling too hot since I'm working out and watching my food/calories/etc and not losing, but gaining weight. This morning I over slept (see my regular blog for details - no, did not get any) and only worked out for 15 minutes. Then it was a co-workers birthday and feeling crappy about the weight gain I indulged - too much. My calorie intake today was easily around 3,000.

The good news is that I resisted the need to eat pizza at my networking event, but I did down a Mountain Dew - my 5th (yes 5TH!) soda of the day. I ducked out at 8:00 and headed to the gas station to get smokes.

I arrived at a very ghetto-like gas station, bullet proof glass and all. I walked up to the window and asked for my regular smokes and handed my credit card over.

He asked if I was really that person, I said it was - according to my ID and handed over my card. He informed me I was bigger than the picture. Heavier. Fatter. Did he really need to clarify all three adjectives to me? Shit. Bigger means all those things.

I was driving home, ready to cry. Nothing seems to be working. Everyone keeps saying, "It'll take time" I've been busting my butt for a month and gained 20 lbs. I thought about stopping for a drink, but the words kept echoing in my mind. I decided to go to the gym.

I pounded out an additional 55 minutes or 25 km/miles. How do you know which one the bike is registering at? I assumed KM and not miles which is about 15 miles. Then I went home.

I'm fed up. There is nothing to do but work out like crazy so starting tomorrow I'm back on routine. And no more soda. We'll see, won't we?

Starting Over ...

There's a reason why I haven't posted since May. I can blame it on the change of jobs, the losing my gym membership (got a deal through the last place I worked), the change of hours, etc. But the down and dirty truth is that I let myself go.

Sick of the view in the mirror, I got another membership at my old gym (1/2 hoping the hottie sales guy was still there, but he wasn't) - it was a sign I was doing the right thing, there was a "No contract, no joining fee" special and I got money off because of my new insurance policy - SCORE.

Every day for the past three weeks I have been watching what I was eating, consuming less alchol, doing weights, an hour of cardio (at least) six days a week trying to make a difference, but the scale keeps jumping in the wrong direction.

I'm praying for the fact that my Depo shot is finally wearing off and I'm bloated because I haven't gotten my period in a year and a half (no worries - haven't had sex in two years) and the people around me are believing that a year and a half of PMS is just starting to show for the reason why it's not peeling off, but I'm afraid that's all pseudo.

So I have started blogging again. As of today - my weight is 182. Sigh.

Calorie Count!

So today's count ...

Propel in AM - 25c
Peanutbutter sandwich for breakfast - 410 (ouch! should've looked before I ate)
Instant Lunch for lunch - 290 calories
Turkey sandwich - 220 calories

Total - 935 calories so far, looks like a light dinner!

Today's Count

Not so good on the calorie count today ...

Special K - 150 calories
Cream of broccoli soup - 190 calories
Chicken Wrap - 400 calories (yikes!)
Mountain Dew - 170 calories (I think, forgot to look)

For dinner I will be having a SmartOnes frozen meal - total of 220 calories.

Total of 1130 ... Yeah 70 under!

Tonight I'm squishing the fat in a little pilates as well! :) That stuff makes you ache!

The War of the Weight.

I've been managing to count everything pretty regularly.

Yesterday was a little odd - we were at an expo all day which meant concession foods and trade show booths handing out candy and cookies. I managed to stick with my Special K in the morning, a piece of pizza (just cheese) for lunch, one cookie (I'm human - couldn't resist!), a couple cheese fries during a client meeting and a salad for dinner. Grand total for the day 1400. Not the 1200 that I was aiming for ...

But today is a new day. Had my Special K for breakfast, will eat noodles and veggies for lunch (though I am ridiculously craving a ceasar wrap...) and for dinner will probably have a salad of some sorts. We'll count as the day goes on. So far - 150 calories.

A New Day

So today starts the get thin program.

For breakfast I had Special K with skim milk - 150 calories.

I found that if I prepare things in cups, I'm not tempted to overfill so I can stick with the suggested serving size.

Today for lunch I should be having rice, veggies and shrimp - a total of 180 calories. I say should because the Aunts are in town and in the area, so we may have lunch at a restaurant, in which I will stick to a salad of sorts. :) Yeah! Calorie counting ...